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Felecytie Rosen-Hanson

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Communication Tips for Couples in Recovery

If you have found yourself in a troubled relationship, there is a very good chance you grew up with parents who argued and fought often. Your household was most likely filled with the sounds of angry voices, raised in an attempt to be heard or to simply drown out the other person.

This means you had no role models for how to treat your partner or what effective communication looks or sounds like. And so, you find yourself flailing, hoping things will get better with your partner but not really knowing what you can do.

The key to a healthy relationship, hands down, is good and respectful communication. If you are currently working toward mending your relationship, here are some communication tips that will help the two of you grow closer:

Give Each Other Your FULL Attention

We live in the age of technology, which means most of us has our head buried in our phone or tablet just about 24/7. This hinders good communication.

When you are speaking with one another, make sure to give your full attention to what the other person is saying. Turn the TV off, put the phone down, and make eye contact.

Take Responsibility

There are those relationships that suffer because one person has been unfaithful. But oftentimes, a broken relationship is the result of two broken people. Take responsibility for your part in the trouble. Admit to your mistakes and commit to trying harder.

Don’t Interrupt

It’s not easy to hear someone say negative things about your behavior but resist the urge to cut off your partner when they are saying something you don’t like or agree with.

Don’t Raise Your Voice

Yelling and shouting is not a form of effective communication. Do your best to refrain from raising your voice at all. It may sound too simplistic, but it really does help to stop and take a slow, deep breath when you feel your anger rising.

Listen

When your partner is talking, you should be hearing every word they say, not thinking about how you are going to respond. Many people are bad listeners. Listening is a skill you will have to develop over time, but why not start now?

If you follow these communication tips you’ll have a much better chance of reconnecting with your partner and making things work. And if you’d like to find a therapist that can guide you in your recovery, please reach out to me. I would be happy to talk with you about how I may be able to help.

 

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How Sex Therapy Can Lead to More Intimacy

A relationship requires different things to thrive. Good communication is necessary, as is mutual respect and compromise. But one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship is a sense of intimacy between each other. While intimacy can be fostered through communication, there is really no better avenue to it than a loving sexual relationship.

Often, when people are having trouble in the bedroom, their sense of intimacy takes a significant hit. That’s why it is recommended that couples seek the guidance of a sex therapist.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that can help couples address any issues they may be having in their sex life. The goal of sex therapy is to assist individuals to move past any physical, emotional, or psychological challenges they may be facing to enjoy healthy and satisfying sex life.

Symptoms of Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction is more common than you might realize. In fact, 43% of women and 31% of men have reported experiencing some form of a sexual issue during their life.

Some of the most common symptoms of sexual dysfunction are:

  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Low or no libido
  • Premature ejaculation
  • No interest in sex
  • Low self-esteem
  • Lack of response to sexual stimulus
  • An inability to reach orgasm
  • Distressing sexual thoughts
  • Unwanted sexual fetishes

Sex therapy can help individuals address and change their behavior, leading to increased sexual satisfaction.

How Does Sex Therapy Work?

The term sex therapy conjures up all sorts of scenarios in a person’s mind! But the reality is, this therapy is like other forms of talk therapy where you share your experiences, feelings, and concerns.

In a safe and nonjudgmental setting, a couple can openly discuss any sexual issues with their therapist, who then offers coping strategies to help improve communication and sexual responses.

A qualified sex therapist is not there to take anyone’s side or show the couple how to have sex. He or she is there to facilitate understanding, development, and ultimate healing so that intimacy can be reestablished between the couple. If your therapist suspects your sexual issues stem from a physical condition, they will refer you to a medical doctor.

Sex Therapy Benefits

Sex therapy can help establish intimacy because it:

  • Strengthens communication. Your therapist is there to help you and your partner have uncomfortable conversations.
  • Helps you heal. It is quite common for one or both people in the relationship to have sexual pain or trauma from their past.
  • Cope with performance anxiety. Many men suffer from performance anxiety while many women are unable to let go and reach orgasm.
  • Navigate infidelity. Recovering from infidelity can be incredibly challenging.

Finding a Sex Therapist

Typically, a certified sex therapist is a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, clinical social worker, or marriage and family therapist. They are specialists who go through rigorous training in human sexuality to become accredited as a sex therapist.

To find one in your area, you may search the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).

If you are in the area and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me so we can discuss how I may help you.

 

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The Positive and Negative Effects of Caffeine on Your Body

According to Statista.com, coffee is still one of the most popular beverages among Americans of all ages. In fact, nearly half of young adults age 18-24 drink coffee. But by far, seniors are more likely to drink the delectable beverage and they tend to drink roughly three times as many cups as day as well!

Not only is coffee one of the most satisfying and beloved beverages around, but it also comes with a bit of controversy and mystery. There are those health experts that claim coffee is beneficial to your health and those that claim it is NOT beneficial to your health.

Of course, most of these claims have to do with the caffeine content in the coffee. So what is the truth about caffeine? Is it good or bad for us? Well, the answer is – it’s both!

Let’s take a deeper dive into the pros and cons of caffeine.

Caffeine Pros

It Makes Us More Alert

Let’s take a look at the most obvious benefit people experience from drinking coffee and that is it does help to give us a jolt of energy and make us feel more alert and awake. Caffeine has also been shown to improve response time and accuracy. So there really is something to people saying, “I can’t even think until I’ve had my first cup of coffee!”

It Puts Us in a Better Mood

Beyond making us more alert, caffeine can actually perk up our mood and flood us with positive feelings. Health experts believe this positive impact on our mood is what gets most people hooked on caffeinated drinks.

May Improve Memory

While more human studies are necessary, caffeine has been shown to improve long-term memory. In fact, worldwide studies have found that moderate caffeine consumption reduces the risk of developing dementia and Alzheimer’s. In Finland, where coffee consumption is higher than anywhere else in the world, people have the lowest risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia.

Caffeine Cons

Disruption of Normal Sleep Patterns

When we drink caffeinated beverages later in the day, they can interfere with us getting a good night’s sleep. This makes us feel sleepy the next day, which then makes us reach for more and more caffeine, and the vicious cycle continues.

Increased Production of Stress Hormones

Caffeine prompts our adrenal glands to produce more of the stress hormones norepinephrine, adrenaline, and cortisol. This is really bad because cortisol release contributes to both fatigue and insomnia.

On top of this, the increase of stress hormones in our bloodstream can cause us to have an exaggerated reaction to everyday stressful events. A traffic jam can send us reeling, as can our neighbor’s barking dog and a telemarketer calling at dinner.

Heart Health

Health researchers have found a link between the habitual use of caffeine and inflammation. Now when you combine this with caffeine’s tendency to raise blood pressure (thanks to those stress hormones!), you have an increased risk of developing cardiovascular disease.

Of course, how caffeine will affect you will have much to do with your own genetic makeup and how much you drink. Your best option when it comes to caffeine consumption is to use moderation and to monitor how caffeine makes you feel and go from there!

 

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Stress Management Techniques for People of Color Dealing with Microaggressions

Most human beings don’t get through life without dealing with their fair share of stress. But some people seem to deal with more stress than others. For instance, according to a report by the American Psychological Association (APA), both low-income populations and racial minorities have a greater risk of developing mental and physical health issues as a result of stress. The APA report focused on the need for raising public awareness regarding the stress-inducing implications of persistent exposure to subtle biases and microaggressions.

In the meantime, what can these populations do to manage their stress so they experience better health outcomes? Here are some proven stress management techniques to cope with whatever life throws at you:

Reframe

Reframing is an exercise that allows us to see the whole picture. Often times, when we experience a negative situation, we become emotionally wrapped up in the negative. But life is complex, and often there is good to be seen along with the bad. The good may be how we handled a situation or how our friends and family gave us support and strength. When we reframe, we step away from our emotions to look at the situation fully and honestly.

Relax

Stress causes tension in the body, and this tension can result in chronic health issues such as high blood pressure and chronic inflammation. It’s important to learn healthy ways to bring about relaxation. You might try tools such as progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, guided imagery, and biofeedback for managing your stress.

Practice Mindfulness

Over two decades of research on mindfulness shows that it is highly effective in managing stress. Mindfulness meditation involves fully focusing your awareness on the present moment. Through this practice, you accept your thoughts and feelings without judging them. There are a variety of online resources to help you get started.

Move Your Body

When we are stressed, our body experiences the “fight or flight response.” This entails a number of stress hormones to be released into our bloodstream. These hormones make our hearts beat faster and direct blood flow away from our brains and core into our arms and legs so we can remove ourselves from the perceived danger.

But for many of us, the danger is not physical but mental and emotional. And so we don’t burn through these hormones and they linger in our bodies causing damage. For instance, one of the hormones released is cortisol, which if levels are left unchecked, can cause high blood pressure and damage to the brain.

Exercise is one of the best ways to burn through these “fight or flight” chemicals. In addition, exercise helps with the production of feel-good endorphins.

These are just some of the ways you can better manage the stress in your life so it doesn’t negatively impact your health. If at the end of the day, you need more help, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health therapist who can provide you with even more stress management tools.

 

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Brentwood, California 94513

(925) 325-4239
fey@feytherapy.com